Mature Gay – Am I Too Old to Date?

Mature Gay - Am I too old to date?

Mature Gay – How can you find a partner in a youth oriented dating scene?

Dear Max,
I am looking for a partner, but I think I am too old to find one.

I am a 64 years old mature gay man and I feel like I no longer have a chance to compete with all the young guys out there.

There is such a focus on youth and fitness in the gay community which makes it hard for older guys like me to find anyone to love. It would be great to find someone to grow old with, because I am tired of being alone.

Do you think there is still hope for me or should I just stop looking?

Thank you,
Mature and Lonely

Related: I Always Seem to End up Alone and Forgotten

Dear Mature and Lonely,
I think that you never get too old for the possibility of finding someone to share your life with.

Life is too beautiful to have no one to share it with and I certainly believe there is always someone out there for everyone.

One of my readers emailed me and said he met his husband when he was 80 years old! He’s now 85.

Keep looking and sooner or later you will find someone who will see how great you are.

A lot of people like older guys so be creative and look on the Internet, chat rooms, dating web sites, bars, social clubs, community groups & even at supermarkets.

There’s even a worldwide organization for older gay men called Prime Timers. They may have a chapter in your area.

Don’t forget to smile and be open to everyone. Not everyone may seem like a good fit right away, but they may grow on you as you get to know them.

Keep your goal in mind that you want to find someone for the long haul and not just someone to jump in bed with for the night.

Good luck!

Related: 5 Tips for Men to Keep Wrinkles and Aging at Bay


  1. well to my knowlegde the way we think it has alot to do with the muscled ones and skinny ones but if you take notice of things some men get older and wiser we dont play that seen and we dont look like them but its what you have i8n side your heart if you beleave in what your heart is telling you well im sure its not saying your to old your never to old for love competition yes iss out there but remember who wants a younger man that had how mant lovers anfdd what ever else they did im 50 yrs old and i dont let that get to me im alone and looking good and i love the older men more than the young at list we no what we want in life if they only new the older the bull stiffer the horn so let the yoiung men think of that now dont feel like your old you just more wiser and have more controlle than the young ones go out be happy it will happen yiu will meet that man again take care and god bless

  2. I am 57 and understand what you are feeling. What I find is that most men my age are either looking for younger men, settled in a relationship or pretty much given up…which is pretty much where I am. I feel like I’ve tried every “avenue” but very little luck or success.

  3. I’m 58. I’m very respectful, loyal, devoted, and still handsome but also reached the give up stage. It seems every time I just try being friendly, the other men are scared of me. it seems most are so low on self confidence they run back into hiding. I think its because they’re getting older they thinking they shouldn’t be finding someone interested in them and think somethings wrong with me being attracted and nice to them.

  4. I am 54. My boyfriend left me 8 years ago after being together 12. I fill into depression. I loved him so much. I have been a diabetic for over 36 years. Needless to say I feel I have nothing to offer in a relationship. I counted in a six month period of time was rejected more than 600 times. I have lost my confidence and I am ready to die. My joy in life was being with someone I loved and could spoil. I disagree with this article at least for me. Gays don’t want old men. Live is over.

    • No your life is not over get on a few dating sites I was 63 when I was contacted by a 28 year old I kept him at a distance for 3 months and kept telling him he did not want to get mixed up with a geriatric old man but he insisted he wanted me when we finally did meet that was it and we have been together now for 8 years and I am no oil painting while he is a handsome looking hunk. He also knows quite a few men of his age that prefer older men so keep trying and do not give up

    • I know exactly how you feel, but I’m even older. (65) I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I’d love to have an older partner to travel with, eat and watch movies with. Everyone needs companionship. But everyone wants that young stud, and those days are over for me. I too feel life is pretty much over. I know, it’s a sad way to think of things, but there comes a point you just feel like giving up. For the right person, I’d travel across the country. So good luck to all the lonely ones like me.

  5. I know what your fell,but you have tobe spirit and positiv thingking.for the Love just need be repect,nice,understanding..about age?i thing its not more problem..Iam not to old,but I love to get serious patner more then I. And il’be waitting who the person I need its?so’dont’feell down about your age!

  6. I am closing in on 59…my partner passed away nearly two years ago. After a string of one time encounters, I had basically given up on anything good for my life, and had resolved by that I would be alone.
    But love comes along when you least expect it. I met a wonderful (and quite attractive) man a few years younger than myself, by answering a Craigslist ad, of all things. We are highly attracted to each other, have many of the same interests and a lot of the same traits, wear the same size clothes, and the list goes on. He had placed in the ad with no hopes of finding anyone, and I replied to the ad, with no hopes of him even responding back. Yes it has only been a couple of months and it is early on with this, but for both of us this is a dream come true. So guys….don’t give up hope on that right guy coming along….it can happen….when you least expect it.

  7. Let’s face it most men just want sex. Why else do they put sexual positions in their profiles?! Once you pass a certain age, you’re invisible to other gay men. If you’re not young or hung you’re invisible.

  8. Well, I agree that the younger gay community is sexually focused, but I’m sure we’ve all been there in our younger days. I am 56, gay versatile and enjoying my gay sexuality. I really don’t think us older, more mature gay men have anything to get hung up about. I find that sex at my age is much more pleasurable, even more so with men my age or indeed, older! I never even consider the younger gay community, that’s not to say I don’t recognise them, I just prefer older, more mature and understanding men. It’s not all about sex, young or older, but younger people are naturally more virile and more energetically horny. Fear not, older gay men….there is definitely a happy life out there for all of us. Thank-you for your time xxx

  9. Most guys out there are looking for sex or they wouldn’t mention that they’re a top, bottom, versatile or whatever. The mentality of the gay community is one that you must be handsome, built and financially stable to even be recognized. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t any guys out there that aren’t sincere, but the pickings are slim. The best to do is to look for someone as a potential good friend. Good friends are worth there weight in gold. This is what the gay community needs to promote more of. If they say they are a community, then prove it. I feel your pain buddy. I lost my best friend 5 years ago to a Pulmonary Embolism (blood clot to the heart). We weren’t partners, but we were in a better situation as best friends. I’m 65 years old and I’m always looking for a really good friend. Take care buddy. Send me an email sometime.

  10. Go ahead, believe in yourself, you will meet someone, I am 62 and have met the man of my life, I am happy, no matter the age, most important thing is to have the mind and heart young, I cannot believe I am 62, my inner chip does not accept that

  11. I am now 54 and live in a very rural area where it seems you can never find an older man who is not married to a woman and in the closet. Living 250 miles from Portland it makes it difficult to go there just for the bar scene. All the on line dating seems to be filled with fakes or again men cheating on their wives since craigslist shut down their personals section. I love older men who all, yes seem to be looking for younger and to make things worse, I only bottom sexually and never Top. Just Tops, or even finding a versatile man who will accept just a bottom guy is more difficult yet. I guess it’s just easier at this point to just use the toys and masturbate and stay single.

  12. I have the same problem. Life is not over and I would like to have a long term lover.
    I’m retired and just bought my dream home. Penthouse condo, on the water. 1,700 sq ft
    Sex is great, but just snuggling with your my man is the best.

  13. Just happened on this chat line when looking for contacts with older men or men who like older men. At 80 I am in the prime of my life, live on a longhorn ranch in Texas near Houston, and enjoy a full life of social and travel activities. At 60 I adopted three children (plus three foster kids also) and now they are all grown up and living their own lives (straight). I also have grown children from a marriage and grandchildren. I have lovely gay friends who are my extended family. But. As a younger man I dated older men (my last lover has been dead for over 20 years) until I became an older man. Since I am now alone again, I can either put myself out there or maybe even adopt again (ha). I could care less about the age of any kind of romantic or friend partnership. I just enjoy the connection- socially, emotionally and also sexually when that is a part of the relationship. I am not lonely, just alone. Some think I live in denial since I maintain a home in Texas and in India and have just given up another home in Philadelphia (too much travel). I feel good and look my age, even if I don’t act it. I just had a family Thanksgiving where I hosted all my family and friends and have 50 similar coming for Christmas with me. Despite my full life, I would love to share MORE with a special person- older, younger, in-between- makes me no difference. Without that, I will fill my time with fun and shared experiences with family and friends. Don’t give up. Life starts when you start living it.

  14. I too am 64 and HIV positive and have found it impossible to meet someone near my age. I live in a Metropolitan area of about 250,000 people however I’ve found the gay presence/population to be very lacking even in younger men. I don’t enjoy getting older and being alone however not being able to meet someone basically keeps me on that track. I am a decent guy, stable and self sufficient. Maybe like so many of you that have commented here maybe we will all some day find a partner for life.

  15. Hi Iam Jonathon from Somerset. Am 46years old bit over waight and long for a guy I can give my love to but like you I feel I don’t stand a chance As all the guys I see are thin handsome and don’t look at me twice. I think it’s time I just realised That Iam going to be on my own for the rest of my life.