Wine-Tasting and Wildlife-Watching in South Australia

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Renowned for fine wineries, esteemed restaurants, and sophisticated country inns

Australia beckons visitors with a long list of “must-see” destinations, from urban gay meccas like Sydney and Melbourne to natural attractions like the Great Barrier Reef and Ayers Rock. You can add another area to the list: the long-underrated city of Adelaide and its scenic surrounding countryside, which have become renowned for fine wineries, esteemed restaurants, and sophisticated country inns. Though it has a somewhat low-keyed gay scene, Adelaide hosts a two-week gay cultural festival, Feast, in November and has a terrific theater scene and countless exceptional restaurants.

The best way to appreciate this part of Australia is with a series of multiday adventures – allow three days in Adelaide, three more on nearby Kangaroo Island (which offers some of the best wildlife-viewing in the country), and two days each in the Barossa and Adelaide Hills wine regions. Here’s the perfect itinerary for exploring this picturesque slice of Australian sophistication and hospitality.

Days 1 through 3: Adelaide

With about 1.2 million inhabitants, Adelaide is the nation’s fourth-largest city. This civil, if somewhat prim, metropolis is characterized by leafy parkland, a well-developed cultural landscape, and a general sense of order and cleanliness. Aussie surfer dudeThe city has several worthwhile museums, the two best being the Migration Museum and the State Library of South Australia, whose Mortlock Wing has exhibits on Adelaide’s history, including an exhibit of vintage Gay Pride posters. Also check out the National Wine Centre of Australia, which occupies a dramatic contemporary building on the edge of the verdant Adelaide Botanic Park. Here you can learn about Australian wines, attend tastings, and have lunch in the center’s excellent cafe.

Also of interest to gourmands, Adelaide’s bustling Central Market contains more than 250 shops and stalls selling every conceivable type of fresh food. The market and the surrounding neighborhood afford countless opportunities to sample foods prepared by Adelaide’s many European and Asian immigrants. Stop by Lucia’s Pizza for delectable Italian fare and potent espresso, or walk down nearby Gouger Street to Wah Hing, which serves first-rate modern Chinese food, or stylish Mapo, known for beautifully prepared Korean cuisine.

Reliable lodging options in Adelaide include the gay-friendly Majestic Roof Garden Hotel, a modern property in the heart of the East End dining and entertainment area. As its name suggests, a garden on the roof provides a relaxing spot to unwind and admire the city’s skyline. Nearby are such popular eateries as Eros (for commendable Greek food) and the Chocolate Bean, a hip little cafe where you can sample artisanal chocolates. Another appealing choice is the InterContinental Adelaide, a modern high-rise overlooking the scenic River Torrens.

No visit to Adelaide is complete without a short excursion on the tram to the charming beach suburb of Glenelg, known for its slew of sidewalk cafes and restaurants. Head to gay-owned Zest Cafe Gallery, just off Glenelg’s main drag, for a gourmet breakfast or lunch, perhaps a frittata with caramelized onions, sauteed potatoes, and Jarlsberg cheese.

Gay nightlife in Adelaide is fun but rather limited. A handful of mainstream places around town have a mixed gay-straight following, such as hipster-infested La Boheme and the friendly Wheatsheaf Hotel pub. The only true gay establishment is Mars Bar, a festive club with a spacious covered patio upstairs and a crowded dance floor and a couple of intimate bars downstairs.

Days 4 through 6: Kangaroo Island

This green, sparsely populated island that’s roughly the size of New York’s Long Island lies about 10 miles from the mainland and is easily reached from Adelaide by plane – the flight takes just 30 minutes. Until the early 1990s, island inhabitants supported themselves largely with sheep-farming and wool-harvesting. Since that time, entrepreneurs have branched out, diversifying Kangaroo Island’s agricultural portfolio to include free-range chicken, marron (freshwater crayfish), grapes (for winemaking), olives, eucalyptus, and what’s considered by many connoisseurs to be the best honey in the world. Sheep are now prized not only for wool but for the island’s distinctive cheeses. The island has also become a popular haven for artists, many of whom have studio galleries open to the public.

Kangaroo Island’s most notable attractions, however, are its national parks, which provide countless opportunities to observe iconic Australian wildlife. Fringed Lizard in Australia, Kangaroo IslandThis is one of the best places in the world to catch a glimpse of koalas, kangaroos, Tammar wallabies, brushtail possums, glossy black cockatoos, seals, sea lions, and curious-looking echidnas (one of only three egg-laying mammals in the world) in the wild.

The best way to experience nature is to book a trip with gay-friendly Exceptional Kangaroo Island tours, which creates customized itineraries for up to 10 people. The company employs knowledgeable locals as guides, and the rates include picnic lunches of creatively prepared grills and salads as well as local wine.

Kangaroo Island’s largest town, Kingscote, is worth a stop to grab a coffee or a salad at Roger’s Deli and Cafe, which also acts as the island’s best newsstand and a purveyor of local wines and food products. Your best bet for dinner here is Restaurant Bella, where you might try pan-seared kangaroo fillet or local whiting (the most common seafood catch on the island) pan-fried in olive oil with a cherry-tomato salsa.

Kangaroo Island has relatively few accommodations, but there are some gems. Most remarkable is LifeTime Private Retreat, a hidden compound with unbelievably cushy accommodations set among three distinctive buildings, one of them on a cliff overlooking the ocean. At this intimate, gay-friendly, all-inclusive retreat, spectacular meals using fresh local ingredients are served in a converted sheep-shearing shed. Rates are steep, but a stay at LifeTime is an experience you won’t soon forget.

Kangaroo Island Seafront is a 4-star accommodation set in tranquil gardens on Kangaroo Island, just 400 metres from the Sealink ferry terminal. Less pricey but still perfectly charming accommodations can be had at the Aurora Ozone Seafront Hotel in Kingscote – the best rooms are in the newer section across the street from the original building.

Days 7 and 8: Barossa Valley

The Barossa Valley, which lies just an hour’s drive northeast of Adelaide, has become one of the world’s great wine regions, growing tremendously in esteem just in the past decade. Anchor yourself for a couple of nights in this sunny, pastoral region, spending your days tasting award-winning Shiraz and Riesling, not to mention some of Australia’s finest cuisine.

One place to combine your passion for food and wine is The Louise, a country inn whose contemporary, sophisticated accommodations are surpassed only by an exemplary on-site restaurant, Appellation. Chef Mark McNamara uses local provisions to craft creative yet classic farmhouse fare. The menu changes daily but might feature breast of pheasant with a juniper-infused game glaze, or a dessert of bittersweet-chocolate torte layered with a Shiraz sorbet.

There are a handful of lovely little towns in these parts worth a stop between vineyard tours. Most visitors make it a point to stop by some of the Barossa’s winemaking powerhouses, such as Penfolds and Jacob’s Creek. But also make time for some of the less-commercial, high-quality wineries, such as Langmeil, Peter Lehmann, and Turkey Flat Vineyard. For a quick nosh, stop in the cheery village of Angaston, which is home to a few cute shops and an excellent bakery-cafe called Blond Coffee, which serves up delicious panini sandwiches, poached eggs, and delicious pastries.

Another outstanding food stop in the area is Maggie Beer farm shop, a charming gourmet market and eatery run by and named for a renowned Aussie TV chef and cookbook author. Enjoy lunch here on the deck overlooking a willowy pond, snacking on such rarefied treats as duck-and-star-anise pate with wood-fired bread, followed by fig-caramel ice cream.

Days 9 and 10: Adelaide Hills

From Barossa Valley, drive south to reach the Adelaide Hills, a vertiginous, lightly wooded area less than a half-hour drive east of Adelaide. Here you’ll find still more fine wineries, restaurants, and country inns.

Don’t miss gay-owned Hahndorf Hill Winery, run by partners Larry Jacobs and Marc Dobson, who moved here in the late ’90s from South Africa and have developed a top-notch selection of wines, including a celebrated Sauvignon Blanc and similarly remarkable Shiraz. The tasting room occupies a handsome building on a gentle hill, and on weekends you can enjoy lunch here – venison, raised right on the property, is a specialty. Other vineyards of note in the Adelaide Hills include Nepenthe Wines and Petaluma-Bridgewater Mill.

Stroll through the handsome village of Hahndorf for a bit of shopping. At Udder Delights, a dapper sidewalk cafe and cheese shop, you can tuck into platters of venison salami, local goat cheese, and wood-baked ciabatta bread. The owners also rent out a handsomely furnished studio apartment with a loft bedroom and a huge bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub. In the same village, the lesbian-owned Six Degrees Jazz Cafe presents live music and serves excellent regional cuisine (roast duck is a favorite here).

A highlight of touring the Adelaide Hills is a stop at Mt. Lofty Summit park, from which you’ll enjoy unsurpassed views of the city of Adelaide and the surrounding region. Nearby is one of area’s best lodging options, Mt. Lofty House, a beautiful country lodge that offers similarly magnificent views. The hotel’s Piccadilly Restaurant & Wine Bar has earned considerable kudos for its well-chosen wine list and tasty food. It’s a great place to enjoy the final meal of your stay, high above the stunning South Australia countryside.

Exploring Victoria

Victoria is a popular spot for gay honeymoons and weddings

Dignified, historic, studded with parks, and packed with some of the nation’s most notable cultural attractions, Victoria offers the perfect recipe for a short getaway in western Canada – it’s also easily reached from Vancouver or Seattle by way of regular ferry service. At the southern tip of Vancouver Island, this leafy capital of British Columbia has also become a popular spot for gay honeymoons and weddings since Canada legalized same-sex marriage in 2005.

Great Britain’s first colony on the Pacific Coast of North America, Victoria was established in 1849 as a trading outpost. By the end of the century, when the now much larger city of Vancouver was still a mere blip on the radar, Victoria had become B.C.’s capital. The city remains an important political center, but tourists definitely butter the bread these days. The formal, London-inspired Parliament buildings and the Fairmont Empress Hotel edge the harbor, set against a commanding backdrop of snowcapped mountains.

With its low skyline, downtown is compact and user-friendly, and fine shopping and cafe-hopping abound. The south end of the Inner Harbour contains Victoria’s provincial government buildings as well as the imposing Fairmont Empress Hotel, which is famous not only as a place to stay but for its regal afternoon high teas. Few museums in Canada are more fascinating than the Royal British Columbia Museum, whose artifacts and exhibits document life 12,000 years ago in what is now Western Canada. Around the corner, the Crystal Garden Conservatory contains more than 65 endangered species that make their home in this re-created tropical forest.

Just south of here, off Douglas Street, the 185-acre Beacon Hill Park is typically filled with joggers, strollers, and sun-worshipers soaking up the atmosphere and the floral aroma. Nearby you can visit the Carr House, which affords a glimpse into the life of British Columbia’s most beloved painter, Emily Carr.

Walk 15 minutes or drive a short way east of downtown along Fort Street, which is lined for several blocks with fine antiques shops, to reach one of B.C.’s greatest house-museums, Craigdarroch Castle. From the top (fifth) floor you’re treated to outstanding views of the city. Just west is the Art Gallery of Greater Victoria, one of the top art museums in Western Canada. Once you’ve exhausted Victoria on foot, consider tooling around the city and its environs by car. A favorite excursion is so-called Marine Drive – not the name of any one street but a scenic coastal circuit extending from Ogden Point, which is southwest of the Inner Harbour, to Cadboro Bay.

Victoria and the surrounding area are also ideal for outdoorsy activities – in fact, it’s been named Canada’s fittest city, owing to the high percentage of residents who regularly participate in outdoor recreation. Favorite activities include diving, kayaking, fishing, mountain biking, and hiking. A number of local outfitters lead tours through nearby old-growth forests, up rugged mountain peaks, and on whale-watching expeditions – visit Tourism Victoria’s helpful website (www.tourismvictoria.com) for a full list of providers.

Victoria lies at the southern tip of the Saanich Peninsula, a fertile strip of land dotted with family farms and a growing number of esteemed wineries. It’s worth spending an afternoon exploring this region, whose most famous attraction is Butchart Gardens, a half-hour northwest of the city. The Butchart family made its fortune manufacturing cement in the late 19th century; when they finished mining their quarry, they transformed it into this magnificent collection of gardens. Among the 55 acres you’ll see every imaginable flower, and there are concerts as well as Saturday-night fireworks displays in July and August.

From Butchart, there are several wineries within an easy drive. As you motor around the countryside, keep an eye out for farm stands and roadside markets, many of them selling fresh jams, baked goods, flowers, and produce. They often operate on an honor system – pick out your goods, and leave behind payment. Dragonfly Hill Vineyard is located alongside one of the original wagon trails through the Saanich Peninsula on Vancouver and Muse Winery is a family owned & operated Boutique winery.

Where there are wineries, there are virtually always wonderful restaurants, and Victoria is no exception. Probably the most gay-popular of the city’s up-market restaurants, Cafe Brio is a sophisticated little chef-owned bistro that’s an absolute delight for romantic, intimate meals. The contemporary West Coast cuisine has Tuscan overtones – you might start with crispy roasted sweetbreads with poached rhubarb, followed by tomato-and-molasses-braised lamb shank with fresh-mint-potato gnocchi. For some of the best modern Italian food in town, including fantastic wood-fired pizzas with such creative toppings as smoked ahi tuna and marinated artichokes, dine at Il Terrazzo, whose airy dining room resembles a cloistered courtyard. It’s steps from the diverting shopping along Johnson Street and features one of the city’s best wine lists.

With a memorable setting inside a former schoolhouse in Canada’s oldest Chinatown, Brasserie L’Ecole is the domain of talented chef-owner Sean Brennan, who utilizes local produce in his innovative regional fare, such as local trout with escarole and Jerusalem artichokes. Well-seasoned, imaginatively prepared vegetarian fare is the specialty at Re-Bar Modern Food, an offbeat spot on downtown’s Bastion Square, where you might dine on shiitake-tofu potstickers or Thai coconut-cashew prawn curry.

For lighter dining and snacking, grab a latte or cappuccino at gay-popular Bean Around the World Coffee, a Chinatown java joint that uses organic coffee beans. Or nosh on eggs Benedict, hefty burgers, and other short-order fare at Rosie’s Diner, a downtown cafe with a festive ’50s-inspired retro look. The city’s sizable Asian community ensures a wealth of first-rate Chinese, Thai, and Japanese restaurants. For sensational Thai fare, try Siam Thai.

Victoria is by no means a major hub for gay nightlife, but the popular Paparazzi Nightclub (formerly the Prism Lounge) draws the city’s alternative crowd – gays, lesbians, and plenty of others. It is located on the north side of downtown and has a large dance floor, show stage, and bar areas.

In Victoria, there’s no fancier lodging in town than the Fairmont Empress Hotel. This 1908 Edwardian hostelry is the most sumptuous grand dame on Vancouver Island, and its Empress Room is a superb restaurant. Newer rooms are larger than those in the original section but keep with the hotel’s tradition. Celeb spotting is not uncommon. The hotel is also notable for its beautifully decorated Bengal Lounge, which serves traditional Indian cuisine in an old-world Colonial ambience.

Abigail’s Hotel is a great bet, in part for its enviable location – it’s at the end of a quiet, residential lane, yet it’s just three blocks from the Inner Harbour. The 23-room gay-friendly hotel consists of two Tudor-style buildings, one with more traditional decor, and the other with more modern-feeling units. Many of the accommodations have wood-burning fireplaces and Jacuzzi tubs, and rates include an extensive full breakfast (enjoy it on the sunny patio, overlooking the English gardens, when the weather is cooperating).

Set inside a former warehouse near Victoria’s Market Square and within walking distance of downtown attractions, Swans Hotel has been refitted into a distinctive all-suites accommodation. Groups of friends traveling together will find Swans a bargain – up to six people can easily fit into its huge rooms. Each has a dining nook, a patio or a terrace, and many have skylights. There’s a microbrewery and an excellent restaurant, Wild Saffron Bistro, on the premises.

Also worth consideration is the Magnolia Hotel and Spa, a snazzy and modern boutique hotel with a first-rate spa and a great location in the Inner Harbour neighborhood. There is plenty of sunlight in the rooms due to the floor-to-ceiling windows and views of downtown and the waterfront.

If you’d rather stay out in the country, but still within striking distance of Victoria, consider booking into the swank yet low-keyed Sooke Harbour House, which is a 45-minute drive away. This is the ultimate luxury hideaway, complete with 28 imaginatively decorated rooms, many with views of Washington’s Olympic Mountains and the Strait of Juan de Fuca.

There’s also a splendid restaurant serving fantastic four- and seven-course dinners, complete with wine-pairing options. One signature dish is the trio of garden-inspired sorbets (which might include quince-lemon-verbena or rhubarb-fennel). Indeed, this perfectly tended inn is surrounded by some of Vancouver Island’s most beautiful gardens – a night or two here will leave you totally refreshed and relaxed.

Great Places to Stay in San Francisco

A sampling of some of the best gay-friendly hotels in the city

San Francisco shines when it comes to atmospheric accommodations, with luxurious old-world lodgings on a par with the best grand dames of Europe; charming small hotels rivaled only by those in New Orleans; and the best selection of gay-friendly B&Bs of any big city in the country. North America’s boutique-hotel craze started in San Francisco and continues to thrive today – the city has dozens of first-rate properties with highly personalized staff and clever decorating themes.

Most of the city’s best gay-popular hotels are downtown, close to Nob Hill and Union Square. Here, you’re a 10-minute cab ride from the Castro and an even shorter ride (or a manageable walk) from the nightclubs in SoMa (South of Market); you’re also close to many of the city’s top attractions. If you wish for proximity the Castro, consider the neighborhood’s many appealing guest houses. Wherever you plan to stay, keep in mind that hotel rooms in San Francisco fill up quickly in summer and on holidays – book at least a couple of months ahead when possible.

What follows are a sampling of some of the best gay-friendly hotels in the city, from top of the line to budget-oriented:

A San Francisco Treat
Several luxury hotels occupy the downtown’s fanciest address, Nob Hill, but for the ultimate in cushy amenities, superior service, and lavish furnishings, stay just down the hill at the Ritz-Carlton, which is one of the finest urban retreats in America. Guests inside this gorgeous neoclassical 1920 building enjoy an immense fitness center and two outstanding restaurants. Another high-caliber downtown option, the whimsical The Marker’s distinctly Parisian flair has made it the talk of the city. The lobby, with its soaring vaulted ceilings, tromps l’oeil murals, and sweeping staircase, is magnificent. You’ll find the guest rooms similarly captivating, with faux-bamboo writing desks, high-back chairs, four-poster beds, and wallpaper striped in bold colors.

Trendy Trappings
Among the San Francisco properties run by the illustrious and gay-popular Kimpton Group, the Hotel Triton might as well have a pink-triangle welcome mat outside the front door – it markets very enthusiastically to the queer community. The lobby is famous for its abstract lamps, chairs, and pillars, and rooms have fanciful designs and whimsically hand-painted walls. You can grab espresso, dinner, and a newspaper at Cafe de la Presse, which has one of the best periodicals selections in the city. The seven suites were each decorated by a different celeb designer, from Joe Boxer to Suzan Briganti. Joie de Vivre is another gay-friendly local chain, and its swanky Hotel Rex adds a touch of Roaring ’20s style to Union Square, with murals and portraits depicting sophisticated salon society. There’s even an antiquarian bookstore on the premises.

Downtown Charmer That Won’t Break the Bank
It is possible to find pleasing lodgings downtown with rates starting at under $150 nightly. Consider the Andrews Hotel, an intimate 48-room property with a great little restaurant, an always-smiling and gracious staff, and lovely rooms with pastel-peach walls, white-lace curtains, and quilted bedspreads.

Calling all Eccentrics
As you walk through the ornate lobby of Chateau Tivoli, a riotously bizarre 1892 “painted lady” whose exterior glows with 22 vibrant colors, it’s difficult not to find yourself humming the opening bars of the Addams Family theme song. Rooms are decked top to bottom with fanciful antiques and collectibles (including more than a few stuffed and mounted animals). Another offbeat pick is the The Phoenix, a cult favorite that bills itself as the city’s “creative crossroads.” It’s also the gateway to the seedy Tenderloin neighborhood, but don’t hold that against it. All kinds of fabulous celebs and gay icons have stayed here, including John Waters, River Phoenix, Keith Haring, Faye Dunaway, and Keanu Reeves. This ’50s-style motor lodge has funky rooms, a groovy on-site bar and restaurants, and one of the city’s most distinctive swimming pools.

Great Things in Small Packages
You’ll find dozens of small historic inns throughout San Francisco, each oozing with personality. A four-story former girls boarding school built in 1890 high on a hill in Pacific Heights, the elegant Queen Anne Hotel has 48 rooms, each furnished differently, with a mix of well-chosen antiques; many have fireplaces and wet bars. Parker Guest House is a splendidly restored 1919 Edwardian B&B fringing the Castro and Mission neighborhoods – you can make considerable use of the lavish public areas and appreciate the antiques, rich fabrics, and modern conveniences (voice mail, modem hookups) in the five sun-filled rooms.

Castro Bargains
When all you seek is a clean room and a convenient location, go with a Bed & Breakfast. Rooms at the Willows have shared baths; but they do come with sink basins, kimono bathrobes, and very nice toiletries, and the hall baths are each self-contained and clean. It’s an economical choice with a convenient if not particularly scenic location, and the innkeepers are pleasant and easy-going. If you can stand the hilly 15-minute walk from both the Castro and Hayes Valley, go with the super-cheap Metro Hotel. This no-frills place isn’t for everybody – furnishings are seriously dated and the rooms a bit stale-aired, but the funny, helpful staff keeps things clean and pleasant as can be. Rates are the same no matter how many people you cram into the room, so the triples and quads can be real bargains. Cafe Metro, on the ground-floor, is a delight whether for coffee or a full meal.

Exploring Saugatuck

All-American community with access to plenty of great diversions

Although it maintains a relatively low profile outside the north central United States, the charming and artsy town of Saugatuck is the most significant gay resort destination in that region. A little more than two hours from Chicago and three hours from Detroit, this laid-back resort area offers a bounty of urbane restaurants, handsome B&Bs, funky boutiques and antiques shops, and more than 25 high-quality art galleries, as well as some of the most picturesque beach frontage on Lake Michigan. The pace here is easy, even a bit slow – it’s not a nightlife-driven singles destination like Provincetown or Palm Springs, but rather a scenic, all-American community that affords visitors the opportunity to get away from it all while still enjoying access to plenty of great diversions.

Generally, when people mention Saugatuck they’re also referring to the neighboring village of Douglas, which is actually where many of the area’s gay-owned businesses and homes are. The towns are separated by a wide expanse of the Kalamazoo River, which eventually empties into Lake Michigan. It’s just a mile’s drive or stroll from one village center to the other, or to Lake Michigan.

Historically, Saugatuck claimed more of the area’s shopping and dining, but Douglas’ smaller downtown has gentrified rapidly in the past few years, and now the main drag, Center Street, is lined with interesting businesses. In Saugatuck, you’ll find most of the shops and restaurants clustered around a roughly eight-square-block area along the river, which is lined with boat slips. The two-town region is highly compact and accessible, although a handful of gay-owned accommodations are in outlying areas, a 10- to 20-minute drive away.

The main tourist season runs from May through September, although most businesses operate year-round. Fall is beautiful when the foliage is changing, and winter offers a quiet and romantic (if chilly) respite, so don’t count out the off-season for a visit. Along the sweeping, sandy Lake Michigan shoreline, Oval Beach is the main area for lazing in the sun. Gays and lesbians tend to congregate more at the northern section of the beach. Lake Michigan’s surf packs a wallop, and the strong winds have formed huge dunes, covered with shrubs.

There are a handful of other fun things to do in the area. You can make the 20-minute drive to Fenn Valley Winery, which has been producing award-winning wines since 1973 – the Dry Riesling and Capriccio (a red wine) are particularly well-regarded. Outside the tasting room, there’s a lovely garden patio to while away an afternoon sampling wine. In downtown Saugatuck, the Mason Street Warehouse theater produces first-rate musicals and plays, a total of five each season. And if you’re in an outdoorsy mood, consider paddling around town in a kayak – Running Rivers Kayak Rentals can provide guided tours, instruction, and rentals. For a little more exercise, climb the 282 steps to the top of the area’s highest sand dune, Mt. Baldhead, from which you’ll enjoy stunning views of Lake Michigan.

Although plenty of trendy dining options have sprung up in the area, don’t overlook one of the longtime favorites, Toulouse, which serves some of the finest French food in the state. Parisian show posters line the walls of the candlelit, antiques-filled dining room. The food at this Saugatuck institution sings, from the cassoulet of white beans, duck confit, smoked pork, and sausage, to Thai-style curry-baked sweet potatoes with coconut milk, cilantro, and cashew butter. Festive Chequers could pass for a pub in England’s Cotswolds – it’s warmly lighted and filled with bric-a-brac. A big crowd quaffs pints of imported ales and stouts. The kitchen serves up fish-and-chips, shepherd’s pie, and bangers and mash as well as salads and sandwiches.

As coffeehouses go, Uncommon Grounds is one of your best options. It’s a good place to pick up an over-stuffed sandwich, smoothie, light breakfast, or delicious carrot cake, in addition to the usual java drinks. The sunny deck out front is nice for ogling passers-by. If you’re in the mood for some serious snacking, drop by Cookies on Call for a white-chocolate-and-caramel or dark-chocolate-and-dried-blueberry cookie.

In downtown Douglas, the outstanding Everyday People Cafe looks like a cheerful down-home diner, but serves such ambitious standouts as pan-seared ahi tuna with a lemon-ginger beurre blanc, and lump crab cakes with a smoked-corn relish. There’s a great wine list, too. Chaps is one of the most consistently good restaurants in the area, serving creative American fare, from light sandwiches and salads in the bar to more substantial offerings in the attractive dining room. Sauteed pheasant with shiitake mushrooms and a citrus-butter sauce ranks among the best dishes here. Blue Moon is a beautiful space with a fireplace, long banquettes layered with throw pillows, and inventive but inexpensive food, such as barbecue-duck quesadillas, soba noodles with Asian-marinated steak, and juicy half-pound burgers.

When it comes to nightlife, the only game in town is the Douglas Dunes Resort, which has a sizable disco, a cocktail lounge and video bar, a game room, a huge fenced-in sundeck and bar with a large pool and lush foliage, and a piano cabaret. This is also the most gay-oriented accommodation in the area, and it actually claims to be the largest gay resort in the entire Midwest. The rambling 20-acre resort has 65 units, ranging from cottages to motel rooms. Accommodations are clean and simple, and some rooms have fireplaces and hot tubs.

You’ll find no shortage of historic B&Bs in the area, too. A stately 1890 Queen Anne on the edge of downtown Douglas, the Kirby House is one of the region’s most elegant properties. Five fireplaces, myriad stained-glass windows, Oriental rugs, and fine oak detailing distinguish the beautiful interior. Don’t miss the delicious breakfast, which might feature white-chocolate berry pudding or baked peach-and-cream cheese French toast. Innkeepers Jim Gowran and Ray Riker are friendly and knowledgeable, always willing to recommend restaurants and help guests plan their days. In downtown Saugatuck, the Newnham Suncatcher Inn is an attractive brown clapboard inn with a wraparound porch. Everyone is welcome here, but hostesses Barb and Nancy make an especially strong effort to encourage lesbians and same-sex couples traveling with children. They treat guests like old friends, yet give them plenty of privacy. The inn is decorated with whimsical touches, such as stuffed animals, toys, and trinkets.

Wickwood Inn Saugatuck Boutique Hotel has a great location and even better food. The Inn itself is situated just outside of the main strip but within walking distance of everything. Decorations are beautiful, architecture is interesting, in a good way, and each room has its own charm. The gardens in front and back are lovely with tables, chairs and umbrellas.

A particularly gracious property is the Belvedere Inn, a regal 1913 mansion designed by a colleague of Frank Lloyd Wright – it’s about 3 miles northeast of downtown Saugatuck. Innkeepers Shaun Glynn and Pete Ta have run the Belvedere since 2003, tending carefully to guests’ needs. There are 10 richly furnished rooms and suites, and rates include an opulent breakfast as well as afternoon tea. Glynn is also the chef at the Belvedere’s superb restaurant, which serves such rarified Continental cuisine as roasted butternut squash and crab bisque; and grilled pork chops with a celery root mash, morel mushrooms, black mission figs, and a port-wine reduction. If it’s a romantic getaway or a special-occasion dinner you’re celebrating, the Belvedere is your answer.

You Are Number 1

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If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else

I got an email from a friend of mine the other day. It doesn’t matter who and it doesn’t matter where he’s from. Let’s call him Bob. Because Bob is the only name I can think of that gay men don’t have. Well…hopefully. Robert is fine. Bob is something you do to an … apple.

To say Bob and I are friends is a bit of a stretch. We’re not really close. We’re acquaintances. I met him a year ago when we were living in the same city. I met him and his partner, let’s call him Dick, through mutual friends. They were nice guys. I had a thing for Bob, but not for Dick (Ironic, I know. For all the reasons you’re thinking). And they were more than willing to play, but I just don’t do couples. It usually ends up like an episode of Full House: Disastrous.

PhotoBob and I did share a kiss on that first night we met. And it was one of THOSE kisses. The kind that curl your toes, and make you want to fall on the floor in some dramatic mock-passing out thing. It was a good kiss. It was DAMN good kiss.

Bob and his boyfriend had been together for years. Like 5 or something when I met them. And they seemed quite happy. They seemed like one of those perfect couples that can play together, and explore their sexual desires while still being totally dedicated to each other. Seemed. Things aren’t always what they seem.

So I got an email from my friend Bob. I love getting email from my friend Bob. He sends me naked pictures of himself. I like naked pictures of Bob. This is not the point. This is an aside.

But this email didn’t include digital treasures. In this email, I found out that Bob and Dick had split up. Dick left Bob (which I can’t imagine because Bob is SO much better than Dick – I know…Irony). And apparently this wasn’t the first time. In their 5 year relationship Dick had done this 3 other times.

I asked around only to find out that this is a common theme. Dick and Bob are living the happy homo life together. One day Dick, for no apparent reason, other than he didn’t take his Thorazine, decides that Bob is the worst person he’s ever met, and he leaves. Bob is devastated. A few weeks, or months later Dick is back at the door. He’s realized that he made a mistake and wants to work it out. Dick says all the right things and Bob takes him back. And the cycle continues. No replace “Dick” and “Bob” with other names. Sam. Steve. Daryl. Jamie. Michael.

I had a three year relationship where my Dick left me and came back 8 times. It was the most painful three years of my life. I’ve never been so miserable. But I loved him. I really loved him. In fact, he was my first love. But he was a complete ASS. I’ve never been treated so badly in my life – part of the reason I don’t date Leo’s. Leo’s of the world be forewarned.

So why does Bob keep taking Dick back? And why did it take me 3 years before I finally stopped taking Jonathan back (and yes, that’s his real name and if you ask I’ll give you his address for all that nicely written hate mail. Bitter, party of one)?

Simple. I loved him more than I loved myself. And the same goes for Bob.

Bob is a total catch. And I’m not saying this just because I know he’ll read this article. I’m saying it because it’s true. He’s handsome, sexy, funny, smart. He’s got a good job, and a heart of gold. Anyone, and I mean anyone, would be lucky to have this man as a partner. This is the guy you take home to your mother. This is the guy who you spend the rest of your life with. This is the guy you go on a trip to Canada with and get married. This is the guy. And damn it, so am I.

But Bob doesn’t love Bob. Not enough at least. And neither did I. We as gay men have no examples to live by. We have no role models. We don’t have the Ward and June Cleaver’s of the world to tell us how relationships are supposed to work. Parents set the tone for children. The way Mommy and Daddy live their relationship is more than likely the way junior will grow up to live his. But that’s provided Junior ends up with a Juniorette. And not with another Junior.

So where do we look for our role models? We don’t. And that’s why my therapist drives a Benz.

I think the message is clear. You are number 1. That may sound cliché but it’s really quite true. Or it should be. If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else. The only way you can have a truly healthy and happy relationship with another person, is if you have one with yourself.

So Bob. Tell Dick to take a hike. He’s SO not up to the task.