Apparently coming out as bisexual does not stop people wondering what your sexuality “really” is.
For comedian Maxx Eddy, it sometimes seems to encourage them.
“Being a bisexual man means everyone has a theory about your life, except you,” he writes in a new essay about coming out and discovering that the world still really likes people to pick a side (Queerty).
To some people, Maxx says, he is secretly gay.
To some LGBTQ+ men, he is basically straight.
And to a surprising number of people, being attracted to more than one gender apparently means he is destined to cheat on whoever he dates.
Coming out, he discovered, did not necessarily make his sexuality easier for other people to understand.
It simply gave them permission to tell him what they thought it meant.
Growing Up With Two Options
Maxx says that when he was younger, sexuality seemed to come with two rigid categories.
Gay men behaved one way.
Straight men behaved another.
Because he did not recognize himself in the gay stereotypes he had absorbed, he assumed he must be straight.
There were, admittedly, a few clues that things might be slightly more complicated.
One of them involved repeatedly Googling shirtless photos of Orlando Bloom.
Several times a week.
“Love your work, bud,” he jokes now. 😂
A religious upbringing added another layer of anxiety, and Maxx describes entering relationships with women while worrying that something about him would eventually give him away.
Coming Out Didn’t End The Questions
When Maxx eventually came out as bisexual, he expected some kind of clarity.
Instead, new assumptions appeared.
One former girlfriend initially accepted his sexuality but later became worried that he would cheat on her with a man.
For Maxx, that fear reflected one of the stereotypes bisexual people encounter repeatedly: the idea that attraction to more than one gender somehow makes monogamy impossible.
Then there is the assumption that bisexuality is merely a stop on the road to another identity.
A bisexual man dating a woman can be treated as practically straight.
The same man dating another man can suddenly be assumed to have finally admitted he was gay all along.
Neither leaves much room for the possibility that he meant exactly what he said when he called himself bisexual.
“You’re Just Going Through A Phase”
These days, Maxx seems considerably more comfortable letting other people be confused.
His comedy regularly explores bisexuality, masculinity and the expectations attached to both.
He is currently performing his debut one-man show Bi Meets World at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, where the official description rather wonderfully introduces him as a man who has spent his life trying to become an alpha male despite being “wimpy and bisexual.”
And when someone tells him they cannot understand how a person could genuinely be attracted to more than one gender?
Maxx now has an answer.
“It’s OK,” he tells them.
“You’re just going through a phase.”
Sometimes the best response to somebody questioning your sexuality is simply to question theirs right back. 😂
📷 @maxxeddy
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