Why you need to get over the guilt of cheating on your boyfriend
Dear Max,
I made a major mistake, and now I can’t live with what I have done.
I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and he had been the only guy I had been involved with. He was my first lover.
For the lack of better judgment, I cheated on him with a acquaintance of both of ours. I could say it was due to use of alcohol, but that would be a lie. The opportunity just presented itself, and I took it.
Immediately after, the guilt set in about what I did, so I came clean and told my boyfriend about the affair. If anything, I can say I am honest to a fault.
I was sure would end our relationship. But to my surprise, he was very understanding. Too understanding in my opinion.
He told me that he can understand why I had cheated, being the fact that I had never been with anyone else but him and we should just put in the past.
But it’s all I think about. Not the act of having the affair, but the fact that I went through with it. That I cheated on someone I care so much about.
Things seem to be okay between us, all for the fact that I feel this unbearable guilt for what I have done. I don’t want to lose him, but I am the one who can’t get pass what I did.
Will I ever get over this, or am I just doomed to feel the guilt for a night of passion that should have never occurred?
–Big time douche
Dear Big time douche, Enough is enough. You did it, he forgave you…time to move on with your life togeather!
Don’t live in the past. Mistakes are made so people can learn from them. You have learned from your mistake. Now you need to keep your man and your relationship.
If you continue like you do now you risk losing your boyfriend and make life miserable for both of you just because you can’t stop wallowing in self-pity.
Do you understand how selfish that is?
You owe it to your boyfriend to forgive yourself and to focus positive energy into your relationship. If you do, wonderful things can come out of it.
It is not going to happen over night – and it will take a lot of work – but you will come out stronger on the other side.
“It didn’t matter that I was unhappy, but when my child was unhappy, that’s not acceptable to me.”
A panel of judges at Taiwan’s top court are hearing a case today that could make the island the first place in Asia to introduce gay marriage.
The case has been brought by a gay activist as well as municipal authorities from the capital, Taipei.
Home Is Love – a Taiwanese group that supports same-sex marriage – shot a video in December about a Taiwanese father’s gradual acceptance of his daughter, who is a lesbian, and the video has been widely shared this week.
In the video, the 65-year-old dad talks about his initial shock and confusion upon finding out that his eldest daughter is a lesbian.
But then he realizes that it was one thing to be unhappy, but another to know that his daughter was unhappier than he was.
“Parents always want their children to be happy, healthy, and cared for, and it’s only when he understands his daughter is happy that he discovers that love is simple,” a spokesperson for Home Is Love told BuzzFeed News.
Staying young at heart is certainly possible, but no matter what you do your skin will eventually show signs of aging.
I don’t consider myself a very vain guy in any way or form and I rarely freak out over aging but I still don’t want to look any older than I have to. And it’s always nice to get some attention from other guys who think you’re hot:-)
It’s up to you how much you let it bother you, but there’s no doubt that our society – and definitely the gay community – values a youthful appearance.
Aging is of course a totally natural process and getting rid of the signs completely is not possible, but you can slow down the process considerably so that your skin stays young and firm longer. Actually, in some cases you can even reverse it!
Fortunately, skin care is no longer reserved for women as it is equally important and necessary for men. So let’s look at few major ways to tackle aging and wrinkles, and how to ensure a healthy, glowing and more youthful skin.
Disclosure: This guide contains some affiliate links. If you purchase a service through one of these links B-Gay.com may earn a small commission (at no extra cost to you).
Sunscreen and Proper Skin Care
Sun exposure is one of the major reasons for early wrinkles and aging.
Step out in the sun only after applying a good sunscreen to your exposed skin, otherwise the harsh sunrays will do you more harm than good.
A new study in the journal Dermatologic Surgery, shows that sunscreen not only protects your skin, but can in fact reverse common signs of aging, like wrinkles and hyperpigmentation.
“There’s no such thing as a healthy tan.” -Dr. Walayat Hussain, dermatologist.
Also, a regular skin care routine can make a very big difference to your skin and slow down the aging process. The proper skin care regimen includes using the right cleanser and moisturizer for your skin type.
Kiehl’s Facial Fuel SPF 15. $35; www.kiehls.com Selected best skincare range for men by Vogue.
There are quite a few anti-aging products especially formulated for men available in the market place – at different price ranges.
Many products contain premium natural components that help revitalizing your skin, iron out wrinkles and reduce signs of aging. Experts have identified Retinol to be a very effective ingredient to fight wrinkles and skin aging. Pick products that have Retinol in them or consult a dermatologist to get the best Retinol equipped product for your skin.
“I don’t know anyone over age 25 who could not benefit from a nightly retinol product.” -Dr. Brooke Jackson MD, associate professor of dermatology at UNC at Chapel Hill.
Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Night Moisturizer. $16;www.amazon.com
Murad Retinol Youth Renewal Serum. $88;www.murad.com
Avoid Smoking
Stop smoking, reduce smoking considerably or switch to less harmful alternatives. Smoking is not only very harmful for your health but also enhances the skin aging process and can make you look older than you actually are.
Quitting is not easy, but with the right help and some useful tools you can definitely do it.
Nicorette Mini Lozenge Stop Smoking Aid. $37;www.amazon.com
Allen Carr’s Easy Way To Stop Smoking. $10;www.amazon.com
Eat Healthy and Exercise
Early skin aging could also be a sign of not eating right and not maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
To keep your skin young and glowing, eat as much leafy green vegetables and healthy fruits as possible. They contain large amounts of antioxidants which fight skin damaging free radicals.
Plus, drink lots of water and keep your body hydrated. Regular exercise and activities such as yoga will not only keep you healthy inside, but will also tackle aging outside.
Get Enough Sleep and Stay Away from Worries
Try never to miss out on sleep because stress and lack of sleep can be responsible for those wrinkle lines forming early. Also, try sleeping on your back as sleeping sideways can sometimes crumple the lines on your skin.
So there you have it. There are no magic pill, but keep your worries away, stay positive, stay healthy and make sure you get enough sleep. With a healthier lifestyle, and a few helpful products, you can postpone signs of aging and sometimes even reverse them.
A sampling of romantic and memorable gay-friendly inns in the Northeast
Especially in recent years, the Northeast has become increasingly abundant with gay-popular inns, even in small, rural towns far from big cities.
You may not find lesbian and gay bars or myriad cultural offerings in the country hamlets of Vermont or Maine, but you can find an irresistibly romantic setting – perhaps an inn on a lake with an outdoor Jacuzzi, or a B&B nestled in the north woods and warmed by a roaring fire.
Here’s a sampling of romantic and memorable inns in the Northeast, the first four offering cushy accommodations and appropriately upscale prices, and the last three providing a perfectly charming and inviting stay at more affordable rates.
A dignified, Gothic Revival inn on quaint Edgartown’s main drag, the Hob Knob contains 17 spacious and airy rooms. It’s large enough to feel like a small hotel but also homey enough to feel personal and low-keyed.
Fresh flowers brighten the guest accommodations, which are bathed in pastels and feature down comforters and pillows and a mix of well-chosen antiques.
Hob Knob Luxury Inn
Most units overlook the lush gardens surrounding the property. A filling, complimentary breakfast is cooked to order each morning.
The Hob Knob stays open year-round, a relative rarity on Martha’s Vineyard, and the off-season rates can be a great bargain.
Martha’s Vineyard has developed a notable LGBT following in recent years, and although nightlife is tame and without specifically gay options, the island is highly welcoming.
In southeastern Vermont, just 2.5 hours from Boston and 3.5 hours from New York City, the Four Columns Inn excels both as a top-notch accommodation and a terrific restaurant.
There are 15 rooms, all with gas fireplaces and traditional Colonial or Shaker furnishings. Many of the marble bathrooms have in-room Jacuzzis, and some rooms have private decks overlooking the tranquil and stunningly landscaped grounds, which are dotted with ponds and traversed by a mountain stream.
Newfane is a quiet village, and that’s a big part of the Four Columns’ appeal. If you do stay here, try to plan at least one evening in the acclaimed restaurant, where you might sample such creative fare as seared medium-rare breast of duck with a rhubarb-red currant-port sauce.
Little Stonington, a Colonial fishing village facing the frothy Atlantic Ocean (the rest of the Connecticut’s coast, to the west, fringes milder Long Island Sound), is refreshingly free of crass commercialism or chain shops.
Until the tony Inn at Stonington opened in the early ’00s, there were no accommodations here either. But this 18-room property comprising two neighboring buildings has been a great success.
Within steps of four excellent restaurants, a charming town beach, and a small history museum installed inside an old lighthouse, the property looks superficially like one of Stonington’s well-preserved 18th-century fishing captain’s mansions.
Inside, however, rooms reflect a more contemporary style, from the deep two-person whirlpool tubs to gas fireplaces and central air-conditioning. Furnishings differ in each unit, but all have original artwork, beautiful custom-made wooden beds, and plush linens.
Occupying one of coastal Maine’s classic shingle-style mansions – what wealthy summer folks referred to as “cottages” a century ago – this vintage inn anchors a 4-acre oceanfront estate on Penobscot Bay and contains three gorgeously furnished rooms.
Each has a fireplace, TV/DVD, and oversized tub and shower. Additionally, four posh cottages sit alongside the water – these are more secluded and romantic, with decks and two-person whirlpool tubs.
Accommodations are named for famed Maine residents, including painter Winslow Homer and poet (and lesbian) May Sarton. A lavish breakfast is presented each morning in a sunny conservatory.
A short drive away, the village of Camden, which buzzes with restaurants and shops, overlooks a yacht-filled harbor.
Boston has among the highest lodging rates in North America, so finding a romantic, gorgeously furnished inn with rates for doubles starting around $160 is no small accomplishment.
Sure, there are even cheaper inns and chain motels in the area, but this Italianate Victorian bed-and-breakfast oozes charm and character.
The inn, run by partners Dave Elliott and Daryl Bichel (along with two very friendly golden retrievers), is on a quiet side street in the lesbian-chic Jamaica Plain neighborhood; it’s just steps from several funky cafes and shops, and an easy bus or subway ride from the rest of Boston.
The 1855 structure is one of the great old mansions of Jamaica Plain’s heyday – one room has a decorative fireplace, and all have queen-size sleigh beds and TVs.
New England’s fave gay playground, P-town, can be pricey come summer, when the place buzzes with vacationers.
One queer-popular resort where you can find downright chic rooms for just $200 during the high season is Somerset House, which has three snug but perfectly charming units starting at this rate.
Somerset House Inn
Off-season, rates sink as low as $125 nightly, and even the inn’s fanciest accommodations run for under $200 (consider staying in Room 5, where you can enjoy your own Jacuzzi tub, gas fireplace, and expansive bay views).
All the rooms at this whimsically decorated property have high-speed Internet access, phones with voicemail, CD player/clock radios, mini-refrigerators, and DVD players.
Plenty of gay travelers fed up with crowds, traffic, and high costs have begun avoiding the Hamptons and even Fire Island in recent years, and instead vacationing in the mellower Hudson River Valley, an hour or two north of New York City.
A favorite accommodation in these parts is the Journey Inn B&B, which makes an idyllic base for exploring this scenic, cultured region. The gay-friendly inn lies just across from the Vanderbilt Mansion and close to both the Franklin D. Roosevelt Home and Presidential Library and the Eleanor Roosevelt National Historic Site.
It contains six smartly appointed guest rooms with decorative themes based on such far-flung places as Mombasa, Kyoto, and Tuscany. The least expensive unit, the Roosevelt Room, has a pair of twin beds (a comment on Eleanor and Franklin’s married life, perhaps?) and costs from $170 per night; all rooms have private baths, some en-suite and some reached through the hallway.
Another advantage to staying in Hyde Park: you can dine at one of the three well-priced restaurants operated by the Culinary Institute of America, which is just down the road.
Or is monogamy just an illusion in a gay relationship?
Dear Max,
I’m 19 and have been in a relationship with a 29 year old man for the past two years. I knew he had his share of problems and self image issues when I agreed to “marry him.”
Now two years later, he’s about to turn 30 and has been told he was too old by some people. So now he’s being depressed.
When I told him people grow old and guys loose interest but in the end what matters is that your partner is still attracted to you and loves you, his reply was that he wants other people to want him too.
I realize that the age difference has something to do with it but I also think that since I’ve had a lot of people tell me how hot I am that may upset him.
This is not my first LTR. I’ve been in LTR since I was young. My question is “Can you ever really be enough to make someone happy or satisfied in life?”
All I ask is that you don’t give me the “you’re young, you will learn and experience life” standard answer.
You can be supportive and help him go through his issues. But in the end, he has to make himself happy with his own achievements and with appreciating who he is.
In a healthy relationship, it’s not all about one person completing the other person’s life. It’s not really about monogamy either, but rather about two people growing together. You do your part and the other person does his part.
So don’t expect to complete his life. Complete your own life and then be there for him to complete his. If that’s not enough for him, well then maybe you should consider moving on.
