I’m Dating My Girlfriend’s Brother


Why it’s never ok to use someone as your “beard” in order to hide your sexuality

Dear Max,
I have had a girlfriend for a while now, but she is just a “smokescreen” because I don’t feel anything for her.

Do you think that I have to tell her the truth or break up our relationship? Or is it OK if I stay with her until I find out what I want to do with my life?

Actually, I’m also currently dating her brother so I really need your help.

-Tony in TX

Related: A Relationship of Convenience

Dear Tony in TX,
If you don’t feel anything for your girlfriend, you should definitely let her go. The fact is that she is just your “beard,” and that is really not fair to her.

“Beard” is a slang term describing a person who is used, knowingly or unknowingly, as a date, romantic partner (boyfriend or girlfriend), or spouse either to conceal infidelity or to conceal one’s sexual orientation.

If you are dating her brother, she will find out sooner or later that you are cheating on her with her own flesh and blood. And then it is going to be a lot worse for everybody involved.

Having a girlfriend and/or boyfriend is not a laughing matter, and you need to take it more seriously. There is another person involved who has feelings and deserves to be respected. Don’t do to others what you don’t want them to do to you. It’s the golden rule.

So do what’s best for both of you, and break up with her as gently as you can.

Remember: “To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.” — T. Tolis

Good luck!

Related: How to Break Up Without Breaking His Heart


  1. my question is: when we will find a country who protect bi men?! if this happen a lot of wives will accept the gay life of their husbands and the life will be easy and the husband will not live scared that her wife discover a day he has a boyfriend .
    This is better than he chose between her wife and his boy friend. if he leave her wife the children will be in bad situation and they will not understand what happened and they will hate their father. if he cut relationship with his boyfriend he will see his children as the cause of cancellation of his gay life and unawares he will hate them and he will punish them for the trivial reasons and they will not accept.