Can You Ever Really Be Enough for Someone?

Or is monogamy just an illusion in a gay relationship?

Dear Max,

I’m 19 and have been in a relationship with a 29 year old man for the past two years. I knew he had his share of problems and self image issues when I agreed to “marry him.”

Now two years later, he’s about to turn 30 and has been told he was too old by some people. So now he’s being depressed.

When I told him people grow old and guys loose interest but in the end what matters is that your partner is still attracted to you and loves you, his reply was that he wants other people to want him too.

Related: A Relationship of Convenience

I realize that the age difference has something to do with it but I also think that since I’ve had a lot of people tell me how hot I am that may upset him.

This is not my first LTR. I’ve been in LTR since I was young. My question is “Can you ever really be enough to make someone happy or satisfied in life?”

All I ask is that you don’t give me the “you’re young, you will learn and experience life” standard answer.

–Young but not dumb

Dear Young but not dumb,

You will never be enough if he’s not really happy with his own life or with himself.

You can be supportive and help him go through his issues. But in the end, he has to make himself happy with his own achievements and with appreciating who he is.

In a healthy relationship, it’s not all about one person completing the other person’s life. It’s not really about monogamy either, but rather about two people growing together. You do your part and the other person does his part.

So don’t expect to complete his life. Complete your own life and then be there for him to complete his. If that’s not enough for him, well then maybe you should consider moving on.

Good luck!


  1. Umm, so what’s the point of being “married?” You are definitely enough to the right person. Your “man” has some insecurity issues with his age, which means him accepting other’s opinions aside from the one that matters (yours) is a sign… I predict it won’t be him dealing with the majority of the issues that will come from this. You’re still young, which I think is your time to go crazy and explore before settling down so soon, especially if it’s not being reciprocated. Be a friend, but don’t waste your energy if he’s not willing to control his appetite. Believe me, he would if he was serious about “marriage.”

  2. Dan Chiasson I really believe that what you said is true. Throughout my life I always looked at the poor and wondered why they are not moving up in the world. I am now living with them and seeing them for who they really are. I am 60 years of age and I am finally seeing myself for who I really am. A person who sees the poor as someone who needs help and I am one who will be there for them every step of the way.