I’m Gay but Want a Straight Life

I'm gay but want a straight life

Is it wrong to want what many consider a “normal” life?

Dear Max,

I am a seventeen year-old gay man. At least I consider myself to be. I enjoy the company of men and my fantasies involve men. But I see myself getting married to a woman and starting a straight life with a straight family.

I’ve considered my feelings being bisexual, but I am still confused. I am sexually attracted to males, but I look forward to women. I also feel I must choose a side, gay or straight and not bisexuality.

There are plenty of young girls whom I’ve wanted to date, share my life with, but it all comes down to the sexual desires I lust in men.

What do you think I am actually looking for?


Related: Gay Test – Am I Gay?

Dear Steven,
You are still young. You will need to live more to really know who you really like and who you really are.

Right now you are between a fantasy world and reality. You want to have the so called “perfect straight life” but you lust and dream only about men.

You have to remember that this is very common and you shouldn’t feel that you are alone in this. For many men this is a part of the process of growing up and becoming an adult and it may be many years until you know for sure.

Give yourself some time to experience both sides to see which one you really want.

Enjoy life, don’t worry too much and learn to listen to your body and to yourself. After a while, you will know who you really are.

So have patience and good luck!

Related: I’m Scared of Telling Them I’m Gay


  1. Steven, I don’t think I have ever commented on anything before. But your situation is similar to my own. It’s not easy thing to struggle with who you are. I am 52 years old I have 2 boys 1 in college and 1 high school and I have been married to woman for 25 years. And I’m gay. But I find for while a long while i feel as tho I’ve missed out on who I should have been. I am not out to anyone and don’t know if I ever will be. I don’t want to make your struggle more difficult I just to let you know that others have been there. But if you come to realize that you are gay , and it is a realization or an acceptance of who you are. It isn’t a decision. Be honest with your self and with who ever your with. I say this because I struggle with depression and sadness everyday, because I was never honest with myself when I was younger. If you are gay , come out and be honest. It will be difficult but as you get older it will be more difficult if not impossible. I wish you luck and happiness and I hope all works out well for you.

  2. hi i am jerry i can not give you advice on what you should do all i can tell you is my experiance when i felt the same as you do now, i thought i wanted to marry a girl but i was from very early child hood drawn towards guys so for the sake of my parents and society i did marry a girl and had three children and i am in some ways glad i did for the childrens sake, but the entire time i was absoultly misreable i was very unhappy with my self i am 71 years old now and the honest truth is i have always wanted a guy they would have made me so very much happier i am single and have been since 1979 i went back into the navy after my divorce whic was very ugly and took five years to finalize now i am alone and because of the navy i am no couch potato i very much engoy the outdoors i would have been in a much better place if i would have all these years been with a man i want very much want to be married to a man but i do not want one my age because i have over the years worked with very many young men in the navy and they always kept me in shape and made me feel young and act young and i am very young fir my age but i am alone also as mist young people do not like old men and it is a shame for some of us because some old men coukd make a young mans life much happier any way what you need to kniw is you have some tough choices to make and will never be easy no matter how ling it takes, the main point is to go with your honest deep in your soul of who you really are and make that hard decision ni matter which way you go do not be afraid of being who you realky want to be as in the long run it will work out for the better be true to yourself first and everything will work out take your time and find someone that wants you for you and nit for sex alone andbthen leave you when times get hard because all they wanted was sex remember always that there us a lot mire to life than sex you want someone who will always be there with you ni matter what happens in your life that will stick with you in hard times and the bad times when you disagree and realize that you bith still love each other no matter what lufe throws at you but also remember that does not mean you should allow yourself to be abused at the same time good luck and i wish you all the best

  3. I also never comment. I cannot tell you what to do with your life. I can tell you that you should be yourself. Be who you are. Period.

    I’ve identified as straight my whole life and I’m married to a woman. I have children. I also think I’m gay and always have been. I continue to deny my desires and I believe I’m missing something. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I too am conflicted to say the least. I’m 52 years old and I wish I had come out before. I still may want to.

    There’s plenty of time to be you isn’t there?