HIV / AIDS – How can we enjoy gay life when we have this horrible disease to worry about?
Dear Max, I have some questions for you:
1. It seems to me that if you are gay you have to watch out for sex. diseases all the time, specially AIDS. Does every gay man get AIDS? Let’ say: If neither my boyfriend nor I have had sex with anyone or a blood transplant, is there any risk of AIDS at all?
2. I am not familiar with the gay society in the US, but where I come from, it seems that almost every gay is either very feminine (like that guy in Will and Grace) or very macho, with all leather. Is that true?
3. I have seen this question a lot, but you say different things from time to time: Is there any signs you can notice to see if a guy is gay?
4. Is it possible to live a “normal” life with a gay partner? Does it work, or aren’t gay people made for relationships with just one person?
Thanks for the upcoming answers, Max. I think you’re great!
Dear Robert, No matter if we are gay or straight, we all have to be careful about AIDS. Sex can be dangerous for everyone.
1) & 2) You can catch a venereal disease, herpes, hepatitis, AIDS and more. That is why you should always practice safe sex. Not every gay man get HIV/AIDS. Gay men are in a high risk mainly because of the kind of sex they have. If you and your boyfriend are HIV negative and DO NOT have sex outside the relationship, chances are very small that you will not remain HIV negative.
The problem is to really know if your partner will ever have sex with another person. If he does, will he tell you? will he have safe sex? can you trust your partner with your life by not practicing safe sex?
Make sure that you always get tested for STD’s regularily. I strongly recommend that you go to a professional testing facility, where the tests are even free in many cases. But if you are uncomfortable doing that it is also possible to buy the tests online.
If it turns out that you are HIV+, contact an HIV/AIDS Hotline to find out how you can get help in your area. Remember that you can live a long and wonderful life with HIV as long as you get the right treatment in time.
Olympic gold-medal winning diver Greg Louganis (left) was diagnosed with HIV in 1988
3) In my opinion it is getting harder and harder to notice if a guy is gay. Straight guys are getting more in touch with their feelings, bodies, fashion and style. It used to be that if a guy was in shape and had great clothes, he was probably gay. Not anymore. Now it is more about feeling the way he looks at you or try to guess and wish he is.
4) Yes it is possible to live a “normal” life with a gay partner. Lots of people have great relationships and it is getting even better every year as society accepts same sex relationships. Some gay people are happy with just one partner and some aren’t. Like everywhere in our society, we find good people, bad people, feminine guys, macho guys, normal looking guys. Gays are not just one type. We have all kinds of different versions and that’s what makes it so cool.
I have known that I was gay since I was 16 years old. I feel if I tell them, they will not want to know me anymore and i am afraid that if I tell my friends they will go telling everyone else.
I do really want to be honest to them and let them know who I am but I don’t know if I am ready.
Dear Paul, Sounds to me you are really not ready to tell them yet. Mainly, because when people are ready to come out, they usually are not so worried about what people are going to say. They are more concerned about letting people know who they really are.
Coming out is a deeply personal experience for every gay person. Only you can decide when you are ready, and comfortable enough in your own skin, to come out. And, of course, some people never come out. It doesn’t mean that you cannot live a good life anyway.
For most people, the right decision is to come out eventually, and people very rarely regret it. It gives you the opportunity to live your life your way without having to worry about hiding your true self.
But it has to be on your terms. You should not let anybody force you to come out when you don’t feel ready. It’s also a good idea to do a little planning ahead of coming out and consider the possible consequences if your friends and family do not take it that well. What do you do if that happens? You probably have more options than you think.
Be patient. When you are ready to come out, you will know. And remember, for most people, it’s a really liberating feeling when they finally find the curage to say “I’m gay” to the ones they care about.
Is it wrong to want what many consider a “normal” life?
Dear Max,
I am a seventeen year-old gay man. At least I consider myself to be. I enjoy the company of men and my fantasies involve men. But I see myself getting married to a woman and starting a straight life with a straight family.
I’ve considered my feelings being bisexual, but I am still confused. I am sexually attracted to males, but I look forward to women. I also feel I must choose a side, gay or straight and not bisexuality.
There are plenty of young girls whom I’ve wanted to date, share my life with, but it all comes down to the sexual desires I lust in men.
Dear Steven, You are still young. You will need to live more to really know who you really like and who you really are.
Right now you are between a fantasy world and reality. You want to have the so called “perfect straight life” but you lust and dream only about men.
You have to remember that this is very common and you shouldn’t feel that you are alone in this. For many men this is a part of the process of growing up and becoming an adult and it may be many years until you know for sure.
Give yourself some time to experience both sides to see which one you really want.
Enjoy life, don’t worry too much and learn to listen to your body and to yourself. After a while, you will know who you really are.
‘David and I feel very blessed. After 23 years together, we are blissfully happy. Love is universal’
Both legendary British pop icon Elton John and his husband David Furnish marked the 11th anniversary of their civil partnership with postings on Instagram Wednesday.
The couple met 23 years ago and was among the first to have a civil partnership union when it became legal in the UK on December 21, 2005.
Later, when same-sex marriage was legalized in 2014, Elton and David changed their civil partnership status to marriage.
Elton said the following on Instagram: ‘Today is our Civil Partnership and Wedding Anniversary. I am so grateful to live in a country that acknowledges and supports same sex relationships. David and I feel very blessed. After 23 years together, we are blissfully happy. Love is universal.’
Furnish wrote this on his post: ‘23 years ago when I met this extraordinary man, I never dreamed that one day I would be able to legally marry the man I love. 2 years ago that dream became a reality.
‘I want to thank everyone that fought to make that dream possible. I also want to thank all the wonderful friends and family who loyally stand by us and support us every day.’
The couple has to beautiful sons: Zachary (born 2011) and Elijah (born 2013).
The history of gay marriage in the US and around the world
Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka are living the dream. When the two tied the knot back in 2014, the couple walked down the aisle in custom Tom Ford tuxedos, shared their first dance to Kelly Clarkson’s “A Moment Like This” and danced the night away to a performance from none other than gay marriage pioneer Sir Elton John. It was the kind of fairytale wedding we all hope for. But in 2014, they had to hold their ceremony in Italy because gay marriage was still a state-specific issue in America. Luckily, we’ve cleared the marriage equality hurdle in the U.S. However, it was a long time coming.
The first official gay marriage case on record is Baker v. Nelson. In 1972, Richard Baker and James Michael McConnell took their case to the Supreme Court after being denied a marriage license in Minneapolis. They filed suit and argued that the lack of sex-specific language in the local laws meant they could receive a license. At the time, the highest court disagreed.
A decade later, Richard Frank Adams and Anthony Corbett Sullivan found themselves searching for recognition of their marriage. Unlike Baker and McConnell, they’d successfully obtained a marriage license in their native Boulder County, Colorado. But they wanted federal recognition. Sullivan had come to the U.S. from Australia. His husband, Adams, wanted the INS (Immigration and Naturalization Service) to recognize him as a direct relative. The status change seemed simple, but the INS refused. The newlywed couple sued the INS but eventually lost. The court defined the term “spouse” as the opposite sex only-a crushing defeat for the couple who should have been celebrating their union.
Joey Brown and Michael Balistreri – Photo: http://www.stephaniew.com/
We just love this amazing photo by Stephanie W Photography. Michael, a naval officer, proposed to Joey in 2013 before deploying overseas. The two had been officially married for over a year when they exchanged vows in front of friends and family in Charleston, South Carolina.
Obama affirms support for gay marriage
1996 was an active year in the marriage equality battle. Back then, Barack Obama was a long way from the White House, but there were hints of his progressive views on gay marriage. While he was running for a Senate position, he sent a typed statement to a local gay and lesbian magazine that affirmed his early support.
“I favor legalizing same-sex marriages, and would fight efforts to prohibit such marriages,” he wrote. If only the courts and politicians of this time could have followed his lead.
That year, Colorado was back at the center of the gay marriage battle. This time, it was the Romer v. Evans case. Voters had successfully voted Amendment 2 into law. The amendment was basically a broad act protecting gay people from any type of discrimination. This was inclusive of the right to marry. But local politicians weren’t on the same page with the public. They challenged the act, and Colorado’s Supreme Court overturned it. Not only were gay men and women no longer protected from discrimination-they also couldn’t marry.
President Bill Clinton signs the Defense of Marriage Act
Later in ‘96, President Bill Clinton signed the Defense of Marriage Act. Known as DOMA, the act denied federal benefits to married gay couples. Later that year, a Hawaii judge ruled in favor of the right for gay couples to marry. But two years later, Hawaii citizens would vote to approve a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.
Over the next two decades, the fight for marriage equality was defined by a succession of small wins and big losses.
Just before the turn of the millennium, California became the first state on record to pass a formal domestic partnership law. Less than a year later, Vermont legalized civil unions. Massachusetts was next up when it legalized gay marriage in 2003. However, by the end of 2004, 11 states had voted to deny same-sex couples equal marriage rights.
California strikes down same-sex marriage ban
California became a marriage equality battleground beginning in 2005. Local lawmakers passed a gay marriage bill, but Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed it. He did the same thing again in 2007. The next year, the local Supreme Court struck down a law banning gay marriage, a move that inspired gay couples across the state to start marrying in droves. However, that same year, voters approved the controversial Prop 8, which reinstituted the ban. It took almost two years before Prop 8 was overturned.
Charles Cooper was a high-profile lawyer that defended Prop 8 before the Supreme Court. However, while he was fighting to ban gay marriage, his stepdaughter came out of the closet. After Prop 8 was overturned, his views changed, too.
“My daughter Ashley’s path in life has led to her happiness with a lovely young woman named Casey, and our family and Casey’s family are looking forward to celebrating their marriage,” he told TIME.
The United States legalizes gay marriage
From there, the tide turned in a positive direction. Several states, including New York, New Jersey and Maryland legalized gay marriage. Then, on June 26, 2015, the United States Supreme Court made history when it legalized gay marriage across the entire country. It was a decision that will go down in history, not just for the LGBT community, but for all Americans.
While the fight for additional equal rights and recognition, mainly those of the trans community, continues, marriage equality was a major American milestone. Abroad, the results are mixed. Notably, on the positive side, The Netherlands legalized gay marriage back in 2000. Canada did the same in 2005. Countries ranging from Norway to Iceland to South Africa to Brazil have ruled in the affirmative. Just this year, Mexico signed gay marriage into law despite many locals who vehemently disagree.
The fight for equality continues on
Countries in the Middle East and Eastern Europe, where staunch religious beliefs prevail, continue to enforce anti-gay laws and policies. Many of these places, like Egypt, Algeria, and Libya, still have laws on the books that make gay sexual activity illegal and punishable by jail time, fines, and even death. Gay marriage in these places is still light years away.
Still, the U.S. has joined a small list of countries that are leading the way globally. According to CBS News, there are almost 500,000 same-sex marriages in America. As we move forward, powered by this historic decision, we’ll continue to see the rest of the world follow our lead.
