I’m Straight but Want to Service a Man

Max Salazar
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31
I’m Straight but Want to Service a Man

As a straight man should I be worried about suppressing my urge to experiment?

Dear Max,

I am a 30 year old male who has always considered myself to be straight.

I have never been “attracted” to a man but about five years ago I became conscious of being turned-on by the idea of servicing a guy.

And I am very attracted to women and hope to get married to one someday and have no intention of ever having a relationship with a man. Furthermore, I couldn’t deal with anyone I know finding out I have this fantasy.

Still, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’d say for every three sexual thoughts I have about women, I have one about servicing a guy.

My question is, which head should I listen too? If I try to ignore this am I likely to develop some kind of mental issue?

Or should I do it once, just to have a gay experience, and try to “get it out of my system”?

–Curious in Minnesota

Related: I’m Gay but Want a Straight Life

Dear Curious in Minnesota,

Let me first start out with saying that you are definitely not alone in this. Many guys – and girls too for that matter – will try almost anything at least once. That does not make them bad people.

It is totally natural.

As with so many other things in life, if you are uncertain if you like something or not, you just have to take a leap of faith and try it out.

Some foods may look good and tasty. Then when you try it, you may be pleasantly surprised or very disappointed.

You only live once and if you have this on your mind and cannot live without the answer, then go for it. Having sex with a guy doesn’t define you and make you any more – or less – gay than you already are.

Hopefully one day we can put all these labels on the shelf and look at them as a curiosity of the past.

But until then, I do believe you will regret not having tried it out. It’s definitely much better to do it now that you are free and single than to have this urge haunting you when you are in a serious relationship.

Whatever you decide to do… please play safe.

Good luck!

Related: Born to Be Bisexual?

Five Big Dating Don’ts

Hans Smines
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1
Five Big Dating Don’ts

Congratulations, you have a hot date. Now how do you keep him? Well, make sure to stay away from these 5 big dating don’ts.

Experts say that people in general are more afraid of public speaking than they are of anything else, and when it comes to nerve-wrecking situations, first dates are right up there too.

But with a little bit of preparation you can prevent your date from turning into a nightmare, so here are a few pointers to help you on your way.

Related: How to Ask Him to Be Your Boyfriend

Don’t freak out

He’s going out with you because he’s interested in you so don’t be nervous, and trust that you are good enough.

It’s ok to think about some conversation starters before your date begins but during the date you should focus on what he’s saying rather than thinking of what you are going to say next.

That way the conversation will flow more smoothly, your date will be more fun and chances are he will like you even better.

Don’t be a bitch

We all know that bitching can be a lot of fun but it’s rarely very attractive. Don’t be fact-checking all your date’s stories, or argue over every little thing he says.

That doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything either, of course. Just don’t take everything too seriously until you know him better.

And whatever you do, don’t give him advice on his personality or appearance. Save that for when you bitch about your date to your friends afterwards.

Don’t suck up

Do not give too many compliments in the beginning and make sure the ones you give are sincere. It could easily seem like you’re sucking up to him, or even worse, mocking him.

Avoid giving compliments that go on appearance since they could so easily go wrong. Give compliments on his personality instead.

Don’t step in it

There are few dating no-no’s that everyone should know that you never talk about on a date.

One is to never talk about your ex. The last thing your date wants is to be compared to your prior boyfriends (even though you’re of course doing this in your head.)

Another is to never talk about other people your dating, or recent dates you have been on with other guys.

And leave out the subject of your date’s hunky friend too. No reason to spark jealousy before your relationship has even started.

Don’t chicken out

Having escape routes planned up front is for cowards. Go into the date with an open mind or don’t go at all.

Even the biggest idiot understands that if you get an “important” call during the date, or if you “happen” to stumble upon a group of friends, it’s all bull.

Be honest, excuse yourself and leave. It’s uncomfortable right there and then but it will make you feel so much better in the end.

Related: 5 Steps to Scoring the Hottest Guy You Know

I Can’t Seem to Hang on to a Boyfriend

Max Salazar
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2
I Can’t Seem to Hang on to a Boyfriend

In the gay community it’s often a lot easier to find guys to hook up with than it is to find love

Dear Max,

I am 18 and I have had a lot of boyfriends in the past.

There are so many hot guys out there and I don’t have any problem finding guys to hook up with.

The problem is that I can’t seem to hang on to them long enough to actually love them deeply.

Is it easier to find boyfriends when you get older or should I keep looking until I find Mr. Right?

-Justin

Related: Are There Any Hangouts for Young Gay Men Like Me

Dear Justin,

You have to remember that you are still very young and you really need to stop worrying so much. After all, you have just started on your dating life and you have so much to look forward to.

And yes, even though there are never any guarantees it does usually get better as you get older.

When people are very young, they are generally more focused on experiencing everything in life since it’s all so new and exciting. Also, a lot of people tend to set their expectations about other people a bit high.

As people get older and achieve some of their goals, they also tend to become more relaxed and more open about the people they date. Which also makes it easier to find love.

It’s great to find someone you can share your life experiences with, so you should definitely keep looking for that special one. Sooner or later I’m sure you’ll find him.

Meanwhile, set some goals in your life. Then stay focused and work hard to try to achieve at least some of them. It’s weird but Mr. Right tend to show up whenever you’re not expecting him to.

So relax and experience life to the fullest.

Good luck!

Related: Assessing His Boyfriend Potential

New in Town and Feeling Lonely

Max Salazar
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1
New in Town and Feeling Lonely

What do you do when you’re new in town and only have friends online?

Dear Max,
I just moved to a new city and I have no friends.

I am 21 and I have been meeting people through the internet.

Is that okay or am I sick?

–“X”

Related: Are There Any Hangouts for Young Gay Men Like Me

Dear “X”,
You are not sick… you are lonely and it is very normal when you move to a new city. It is okay to want to meet people and the internet is a great place to do so.

However, as you do when meeting people anywhere, exercise caution and common sense.

Any suitor must earn your trust gradually, through consistently honorable, forthright behavior. Your job is to take all the time you need to test for a trustworthy person, and pay careful attention along the way.

Take a relatively conservative approach to trusting anyone you meet online. If you think someone is lying, it is likely that they are, so act accordingly. Move on to someone you can eventually trust.

Conduct yourself and your romances in a responsible manner. Don’t fall in love at the click of a mouse. Don’t become prematurely intimate with someone, even if that intimacy only occurs online.

When meeting someone for the first time, meet in a public place. Start slow. Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true.

Good luck!

Related: How to Tell If He’s Gay

My Guilt Over Cheating Is Ripping Me Apart

Max Salazar
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1
My Guilt Over Cheating Is Ripping Me Apart

Why you need to get over the guilt of cheating on your boyfriend

Dear Max,

I made a major mistake, and now I can’t live with what I have done.

I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and he had been the only guy I had been involved with. He was my first lover.

For the lack of better judgment, I cheated on him with a acquaintance of both of ours. I could say it was due to use of alcohol, but that would be a lie. The opportunity just presented itself, and I took it.

Immediately after, the guilt set in about what I did, so I came clean and told my boyfriend about the affair. If anything, I can say I am honest to a fault.

I was sure would end our relationship. But to my surprise, he was very understanding. Too understanding in my opinion.

Related: Can You Ever Really Be Enough for Someone?

He told me that he can understand why I had cheated, being the fact that I had never been with anyone else but him and we should just put in the past.

But it’s all I think about. Not the act of having the affair, but the fact that I went through with it. That I cheated on someone I care so much about.

I love my boyfriend, and I never meant to cause him any harm.

Things seem to be okay between us, all for the fact that I feel this unbearable guilt for what I have done. I don’t want to lose him, but I am the one who can’t get pass what I did.

Will I ever get over this, or am I just doomed to feel the guilt for a night of passion that should have never occurred?

–Big time douche

Dear Big time douche,
Enough is enough. You did it, he forgave you…time to move on with your life togeather!

Don’t live in the past. Mistakes are made so people can learn from them. You have learned from your mistake. Now you need to keep your man and your relationship.

If you continue like you do now you risk losing your boyfriend and make life miserable for both of you just because you can’t stop wallowing in self-pity.

Do you understand how selfish that is?

You owe it to your boyfriend to forgive yourself and to focus positive energy into your relationship. If you do, wonderful things can come out of it.

It is not going to happen over night – and it will take a lot of work – but you will come out stronger on the other side.

Good luck!

Related: How to Be a Better Boyfriend to Your Man

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