There are right ways and wrong ways to move on from a relationship
Your old relationship is over and you are ready for new adventures. Here are some tips on what to do and not to do when throwing yourself into a new romance.
Don’t go looking for Mr. Right
It’s easy to jump straight into a new relationship after a break up. Bad idea! Even though you think you have strong feelings for this new person, chances are that your feelings for your ex may be playing with your emotions. Think of your new adventure has a warm bath; it’s delightful, and very relaxing, but soon you will start to sweat and it’s time to get up and out.
It’s natural to experiment when you come out of a long-lasting relationship but you should definitely take some precautions. Don’t start a romance with a friend or co-worker. There would just be to many problems if the relationship doesn’t work.
Be honest with new partners
It’s important to be honest when going into a new relationship. To start a new relationship with hidden agendas is never a good idea. By being honest, you’ll get a better and safer foundation to build your new relationship and thereby improve the chances for the relationship to succeed.
Choose your conversation partners carefully
Talk to your friends and family about the break up but don’t involve your new lover more than to the bare minimum. He/she is not interested in hearing about your old relationships, or about your ex’s.
Don’t compare
Don’t compare your new lover with your ex even though it’s natural to do this in order to prove for yourself that you are better off without him. Use your new romance for what it’s worth; a reassurance that your love life goes on even without your ex.
If you feel like you’re in a rut, now is the time to do something about it
If you’re like most people, you repeatedly decide to change aspects of your life. You plan to start working out more often, redecorate your home, spend more time with your family/friends, etc. etc. And then nothing happens. Well, it’s time to do something about it.
The Critic Within
You are your own worst critic. Because of this you may have created images of yourself as the kind of person that never manages to get things done, or that only makes mistakes. Unfortunately we tend to live up to the images we make of ourselves, either we want to or not.
You need to change the way you think in order to change the way you act. If you think about yourself as someone that can make things happen, this is the kind of person you eventually will become.
You should not underestimate the benefits of status quo. If there were no benefits of your current situation you would have changed it long time ago.
Think through what’s positive with today’s situation and try to keep those positive factors in a future, different scenario.
Maybe you are unsatisfied with your job situation but feel comfortable with having a fixed income every week? Or maybe putting down some extra hours every day at work is a way for you to avoid having to deal with problems in your social/family life?
When you’re able to pinpoint what’s important for you, you’ll be able to make the appropriate changes to start your new life without loosing the benefit of today’s situation.
‘Should Have, Could Have’
The easiest way to cope with a situation is to postpone any action for later. When you’ve already expressed that you “should have, could have” it’s extremely easy go from there to “but it’s nothing I can do about that now”.
As if the fact that you’re aware of what you should have done somehow gives you an excuse to be lazy!
Be aware that if you allow yourself to become merely a passenger on your own life journey, you’ll place yourself at the mercy of others.
What Do You Really Want?
The main reason that our urge to change usually stops with a thought is that we haven’t made clear for ourselves what we want to do with our lives. At the same time, we’re often brutally aware of how we don’t want it to be.
Your mind does everything in its power to fulfill your thoughts and wishes. And wishes are actually what your body believes every thought you have to be. The more you think the thought, the stronger it becomes.
So if you’re stuck thinking how hopeless and tiresome everything is, that’s going to be how you describe your own future. And your body and soul is going to do everything to make it happen.
Is that really how you want to live your life? Didn’t think so…
How To Change Your Ways
Spend 90% of the time you’re thinking about your life to think about how you want it to be. And max 10% to think about your problems.
But, of course, just thinking about it is not enough.
A magazine can inspire you
You need to act too, taking all those little steps that help you getting to where you want to be.
Get a gym membership, and maybe a subscription to a men’s health magazine that can inspire you, if you’re not satisfied with your health or your body.
Remember, you are the one that decides who you are, and what you can or cannot do. You decide what to prioritize, what to believe, and what your limits are.
We all have our limits, but it’s you – and nobody else – that puts them in place. It happens way to often that we get stuck in patterns that doesn’t work – we don’t get the results we want – because we haven’t made clear for ourselves where we want to go.
Make a commitment to seriously try to do something in a new way, or to stick to a decision you’ve made, so that you can start your new life.
In the beginning this takes a lot more effort than to act the way you always have. But if you’re not completely satisfied with you’re life, you need to change something.
If you keep on acting as you always have, you will keep on getting the same results.
Fredrik is thanking for all the support and well wishes they have received on their path to parenthood:
“It was important for us to take the time to keep the news for ourselves, but now we are ready to celebrate all the love.
“We thank you for supporting us in this journey and your well wishes…. We are finally going to be dads! Finally! #grateful.”
The couple received the news in April when Fredrik was celebrating his 40th birthday in Paris.
Fredrik has been open about the process the couple has been going through, including the abortions, in the TV show.
His husband Derek already has a seven year old son, Kai, the blessing result from donating sperm to a lesbian couple.
Fredrik’s co-star Ryan Serhant took to Instagram to congratulate Fredrik on his big baby news:
“All of this just happened. What an episode. What a life. What a season! What friends!!! What co-workers. Huge congratulations…to my friend…Fredrik, on his big news. Emilia and I are so happy for you and Derek,” Ryan shared.
Pop singer Aaron Carter tweets that he’s attracted to men and women, and has identified as bisexual since he was thirteen
The 29-year-old singer, who has been struggling with substance abuse and recently was arrested for DUI and marijuana possession, wrote the following on Twitter.
“There’s something I’d like to say that I feel is important for myself and my identity that has been weighing on my chest for nearly half of my life.
“This doesn’t bring me shame, just a weight and burden I have held onto for a long time that I would like lifted off me.”
“I grew up in this entertainment industry at a very young age and when I was around 13-years-old I started to find boys and girls attractive.
“There were years that went by that I thought about, but it wasn’t until I was 17-years-old, after a few relationships with girls, I had an experience with a male that I had an attraction to who I also worked with and grew up with.
“To me music has always been my temple. Music will ALWAYS be what transcends us and myself. The studio has always been my safe haven. But the ultimate goal for me is to be satisfied. I never want to be a figure of disappointment.”
I love to share my sexuality with younger guys (10 to 20 years younger than me) and I’ve had fun in my life.
These days, I wrote a novel about a bisexual married man and his gay partner. During the whole process I felt sad writing about myself and my experiences.
None of my ex-wives, neither my actual wife knows about my bisexuality. My main concern, today, is if I have to tell my family, my daughter and my grandkids.
Lately, I have a strong feeling of living a gay life and sharing the rest of my life with another man.
Living in a small town of a Latin Country is pretty difficult to gay people, and mostly at my age, I feel like I’m going to explode.
If you feel like you are going to explode, it’s because you have been doing what others want you to do and not what you want to do. Nor have you been listening to your inner self.
So listen to yourself and find out what makes you happy. Life is just too short to be unhappy.
You are still young enough to make changes in your life and to make some new goals.
But you also need to be careful, as you have a beautiful family and you can’t be all selfish. You have to think about them too.
Try to find out what it is that you really want. Once you know what you want, try to find out how you can achieve your goals AND your happiness.
Is having sex with men more important than the family you have now? is living and sharing the rest of your life with another man really what you want? will you find that person in your town or would you have to move away from your family?
I would advice you to take a trip away from your family and away from everything.
Once you are alone, you will be able to listen to your feelings and may be able to make a decision that you will not regret.
And remember, it’s up to you if and when you want to come out. Anderson Cooper came out when he was 45. Here he is with his partner Benjamin Maisani.
